Not long now

Are you ready for another fantastic Scattered Art exhibition. It's this coming Sunday-Jan 29th between 3-6pm. You'll have to search for this one, we don't want to make it too easy, so get your friends and family ready and let the search commence!! Log on tomorrow for a sneaky peek!

Tingly Tongue

Blimey, Scattered has just had a major revelation. Well, when I say Scattered, I mean me - I’ve just had a revelation. (I feel so much more powerful when I refer to myself as the omnipotent being that is Scattered. I’m like a soulless, faceless, art dominatrix. Is that wrong?)

Anyway, back to the revelation. No doubt many an aged oriental sage has sat by a big mountain and contemplated the implications of risk and adventure while rubbing said mountain with a silk hanky every century. And no doubt many an arse-wipe banker has sat at his/her desk and contemplated risk before disregarding it completely and selling out his/her granny for a greasy, fat bonus. And me? I’ve eaten a chocolate. Okay, this generally happens on a daily basis but this chocolate was different. This chocolate contained a hazelnut!

I don’t want to bore you with my mundane medical history (shingles and a fractured wrist have been the highlights in case you’re interested and, if you are, I don't want to be rude but that's a bit weird) but suffice to say that a bowl of muesli several years ago resulted in a tingly tongue and hence a self-diagnosis of a hazelnut allergy. This has not been easy to live with. Many a time I have had to pretend to be generous and offer a friend the hazelnut-infested chocolates left in a box. I have had to donate a full, unopened jar of chocolate spread to someone else’s cupboard and, just this Christmas, I had to reject the Ferrero Roche selection box my mum had bought for me. (No, I don’t know why she bought it either. This is the sort of motherly act that could send a lesser person into therapy.)

But this evening? This evening was different. Risk and caution went out of the health and safety window and I took a chocolate out of a box without reading the little chocolate menu thingy. I ate half of the chocolate. I saw an indentation in the half that remained. The indentation was decidedly hazelnut shaped. I crunched on something decidedly hazelnut like. I waited. I thought I may as well make the most of the few minutes I had remaining so I ate two more chocolates from the box in quick succession (although not so quickly that I wasn’t able to read the menu thingy this time because while I knew death was imminent, I didn’t want to be found dead and severely swollen). I waited. I watched Spotlight. Death was slow in his morbid arrival. I flicked over and caught the end of Hollyoaks. I suspected that Death was actually slacking a bit. And then it hit me – the revelation that is and not the anticipated death by tingly tongue. I am NOT allergic to hazlenuts!

And the moral of this emotional tale? Take a risk, god dammit! Go on, go crazy. Make something, draw something, paint something, knit something, sculpt something, weave something etc. etc. Scattered is waiting for you and your revelations...

P.S. If you are allergic to nuts, please do not eat one and then film yourself for some sort of art versus death concept piece. Thanks.

I reckon I could do 6 in a night at a push...

On the second day of this brand new year, anything seems possible. Yesterday’s new year’s day went by in a Cornish mizzle of a hangover fug and so, if you lot don’t mind, Scattered is seeing today as the actual start of the new year. The sun is shining, ‘Wanted Down Under’ is on the goggle box (wish I actually had a skill ‘cos you can live like royalty over there, god damn it, with have a pool) and the Scattered machinations are creaking back into action (don’t rush us, we’re dealing with some cheese-induced weight gain here).

Now, if you’re anything like me, your life sucks, you have minimal self-esteem and you are searching for some sort of purpose to your monotonous and empty life. Great, isn’t it? You can’t start the year feeling upbeat and you, yes you, loser-face, are in the perfect position to ‘reinvent’ yourself. But look, forget all that healthy eating, weight gain shit that other but less imaginative weaklings go far. You must resolve to be creative and, let’s go all out there, ‘interesting’. Think of the shopping and smuggery opportunities this gives you:

1.       New artistic clothes are required (think early nineties stripy tights, dolly shoes and crocheted accessories – I know I am).

2.       Buy a book, read it, tell everyone you’ve read it, make a smart arse comment about the protagonist’s inner turmoil, translate your feeble literary criticism into a mixed media, performance art, installation piece.

3.       Fully embrace the bohemian lifestyle by smoking bay leaves and snogging as many people as possible in one night (that seemed to work when I was 16 and, you know, sometimes the old ideas are the best ones).

4.       Look back at your earlier mixed media, performance art, installation piece and realise you’re not the artist you were hoping to be. Destroy it in a self-hating frenzy while listening to the Nine Inch Nails in candlelight. Sob hysterically while hurling abuse at yourself in the mirror. Look at the remaining fragments of your artistic ambitions lying at your feet. Realise that, shit, it looks much better now it’s been ‘deconstructed’.

5.       Be smug. You’re an artisit, by Jove.

Ah, so much fun to be had and as the first Scattered exhibition of 2012 will take place at the end of January – as ever, details and specifics to follow –  there’s no time to lose. 2011 is soooo last year.

See you soonJ

P.S. Can you believe it? The sun has now gone in. Bloody typical Cornish damp weather. I take it all back. Nothing ever changes. 2012 looks just like to 2011 out of my window. Ooh, what’s this, ‘Homes Under the Hammer’? Yey. Fuck change. I always thought it was overrated anyway. Put that kettle on...

It's on!!!!!!

It's confirmed, the next venue, put it in your diaries Jan 29th! As you well know Scattered followers, they get better and better and this one will not disappoint and is going to be the best one yet. If you haven't submitted, please do so and we are looking for all things creative!

Woooooo Hooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Another fantastic exhibition, so proud of everyone that took part, it looked great. Pictures will follow shortly, can't wait for the next one!